start from now, don’t wait for the perfect time.
i’ve been waiting for a long time for the right time to start this newsletter. always something in the way before it’s ready, always another book to read, another meal to make, another child to soothe to sleep. so i’m doing it now, in the midst of motherhood, mess of toys on the floor, washing up left in the sink. documenting and sharing more of this wobbly path of creative/spiritual practice that keeps me going when everything feels awful, that gives me joy and space and a framework to figure things out.
this newsletter is another extension of my creative/spiritual practice. this part is about being seen, valuing my output, sharing myself more fully. knowing my worth.
start a conversation. i welcome feedback, other perspectives, reactions. please reach out!
what will be in here?
i’m planning for a weekly newsletter, with an overview of what i’ve been doing in the last week, what pieces i’ve been working on, some of what they mean and how they manifest my spiritual practice in the world. i’ll share some details about my processes, both physical and emotional, some sacred outfits, information about natural dyeing and how to’s, shop update information and the opportunity to buy my work before it goes into my etsy shop. there will be option to be a free or paid subscriber. which ever you are you’ll get access to all the same things. being a paid subscriber will mean that you are supporting me to live my best creative life, where i can dedicate myself to making and practising.
in this first newsletter i want to write about the power of making for others as a metta practice. metta means loving kindness in pali, it’s a core buddhist practice. the aim of it is to deepen our love and compassion until we can feel that for everyone and everything, no matter what they have done to others or to us. my experience is that i don’t have much for myself or for others! it’s a big thing I’ve been working with for a long time. making things for myself and for others has become my main way of practicing metta.
it started from stopping speaking to a dear friend, after 5 years of intense friendship and big events in our lives. i felt so sad and angry. i didn’t know what to do or how to move forwards. i decided to make her something beautiful, so that while making i could reflect on our friendship, remember the good things and maybe figure out how to move forwards.
it was really hard to feel angry at her while making something so soft and warm, for wrapping her up in, and so gradually, as i finished each row, i started to be able to come back into relationship with her. we started writing letters, unpacking each of our parts in our falling out, appreciating each others qualities and the friendship we’d grown.
the blanket took over 18 months to finish, and before i’d finished it we had moved back in together, our friendship strong and clear. i gave her the unfinished blanket the day we moved in together, and every so often would sneak it back to add more rows. it felt like a manifestation of my process. i think it was a major part of how and why i was able to move back towards her, and heal our relationship.
since then, i’ve made many things for people i’ve been having a hard time with, and also people it’s simpler with. crochet or knitting, working with soft textiles, feels like such a powerful manifestation of care for me, such a way into the soft love that i aspire to feel for everyone. the time spent making something for someone, something to keep them warm, wrap them up, feels like a way of making my love clear, simple. a way of showing the depth and multidimensionality of my connection to them.
it’s time given in work, thought given in deciding what to make, going beyond myself and my small resentments or anger to see the bigger picture, that we are all humans, who need care and soft beautiful things to live our lives with.
t.i.l.l - things i loved lately.
here i’ll share a few links to things i’ve read, seen or listened to lately that moved me
aloka is a triratna buddhist artist, whose attitude towards creating ‘a new western buddhist iconography’ has been massively influential for me. i’ve been looking at his depiction of the 5 buddhas for a big project i’m working on. such beauty in his paintings!
i’ve been project managing a buddhafield online event, which started on the 13th. we are covering all 6 elements, and i’ve been looking for music to play to reflect each element. today is earth and i’ve been listening to a band called earth, their brooding music reminds me of dark brown loam, leaf mould, in silent green forests where moss grows and water drips.
it’s valentines day when i’m writing this! loving myself as a plus size queer in a heteronormative relationship is hard, but this article from autostraddle is always open in my tabs for me to go back to for reminders.
quilts are where my hyper focus lies at the moment. really appreciating british makers making them, connecting with history, making beautiful things to wrap loved ones in.